I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
