I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
