More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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