Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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