He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
