I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
