i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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