U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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