You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I am mentally ready for anal.
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