Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We don't watch enough power rangers
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
