i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Randomize
