There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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