Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You are the jesus of drinking
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
