it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
