I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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