Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
