i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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