Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
