i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
