maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize