had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize