This show inspires me to have sex in space
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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