Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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