plz talk dirty to me
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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