i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
