Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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