ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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