i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
