i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
