Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
