I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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