Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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