I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
