One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
