sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
