i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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