I got chris browned last night
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
