No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
