I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
