I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
