new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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