I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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