That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
