Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
