Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
