I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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