You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
