I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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