The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
either way he was missing a nipple.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
