i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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