We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
