Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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