Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
All I want is dick and wine.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
