your room smells of hookers.
And success
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I pour the whiskey from now on
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
