Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am puke
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
