It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
