just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
God gave him joint rollers for hands
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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