Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
