living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
