You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
