I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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