okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
