i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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