I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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