she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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