my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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