I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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