are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
