The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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