just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
