Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
