You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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