you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
