So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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