my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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