Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
