Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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