I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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